Wednesday, August 19, 2015

True Story - My Muslim Husband

Earlier this week me and my husband somehow came across Islamic exorcism videos on Youtube. Mind you - he's extremely spiritual and superstitious.  He confesses to me that he tried to perform an exorcism on me?! He claims he thought I was possessed by an Islamic version of demons called Jin all because I twitched and kicked in my sleep.  Seriously.  He put his hand on my forehead and recited a passage from the Quran, but figured I wasn't possessed because I didn't start convulsing or any weird demon crap.  My husband - the exorcist!

 

Friday, August 14, 2015

This Guy Needs A Medal - or A Parade

Amazing Humanity   

A serious must-read.  The article can be reached through the link above or copy/past the http into your browser.

 http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/greek-mayor-hands-out-aid-as-kos-sets-up-floating-migrant-centre/article25977221/

Wise Words

Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.
- Stephan Hawking


Monday, August 10, 2015

A Quip Of Witticism



If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
- George Bernard Shaw


Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Who Is "John Ass" ?



The Drunken Peasants have managed to offend people across the map

- or so it seems . . .

A new patron has stepped forward, known only as John Ass, and donated a total of $30,000 to the Drunken Peasants Podcast - a very hard to believe idea.

Tj, Ben, and sometimes Scotty have apparently tickled his fancy.  After the first installment of $10,000, John participated on the podcast via Skype with his true identity concealed and the Peasants absolutely drunk with booze and happiness.  After the second installment of $20,000, John traveled all the way to Ohio to meet the Peasants and participate live on the podcast.

The podcast is low key enough not to draw unwanted speculation, especially about how John Ass came to his pretty purse, but consider us intrigued. 

Probably with the money he originally gave them - the Peasants ensured John was exceedingly wasted, hostile, and primed for filthy, cringe-worthy political commentary during the live show.  It was pretty bad ass.

Although, no one but the Peasants seems to know who John Ass really is or why he gave so much money to them in the first place, only this much is certain - he definitely has a thing for fat, middle aged geeks. 



New Go Fund Me Campaign - Immigration fees are the dark side of our marriage

It bothers me to make my problems public, but I'm struggling to save enough money to pay my marriage immigration fees.  I need to find $1,081.00 ASAP in order to get work authorization for my husband - also allowing him to travel freely between the USA and Algeria since his father is very sick at this time.  It doesn't let us enjoy marriage with a dark cloud of money doom and gloom hanging over our heads every day.  This is supposed to be our Honeymoon period, but this time is spent with us separated  - me at work 7 days a week, and him (illegally) working nights.  There are worse things going on in the world, but my husband is my world and if he's not "legal" soon we will be facing some serious consequences. 

Please check out my gofundme page at least.  Any little bit if help would be AWESOME!

gofundme.com/f4d33a2k

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Hidden Perks Of Being Loved By An Arabian



We don't hear much of it anymore, but prior to 9/11 the Arabian world was something out of a romance novel with exotic princesses, clever stable boys (who happened to be drop-dead gorgeous), and a culture best fit for a fairytale.  We can thank one of the oldest books known to mankind, 1,001 Arabian Nights, a compilation of romance, adventures, and sensual encounters that blew readers away for the ages of eastern romance we now can reference.



However, the treasure, romance, and cultural beauty that once was the muse of countless books, movies, and art has faded almost entirely from existence.  These stories are, therefore, passed down through the generations by watching movies, story telling, and seeing what little art remains.

Despite media depictions there are many aspects of this romantic culture still alive, and we can deduce this by examining the way epic heroes treat fair maidens like myself - and get a healthy dose of unconditional love.



1. Beauty Not Seen

We begrudgingly accept Arabian culture as one that requires women to hide themselves in burkas, which covers hair and the feminine form.  However, if we examine this from another angle these hunky heroes have a different (less shallow) perception of beauty.  Because their love interests' features are for the most part inaccessible we can assume they have to fall in love with a person before they can fall in love with anything else.


2. Unconditional Love

There are so many horror stories of Arabians locked into a loveless marriage for one reason or another, which makes love all the more fantastic and unattainable, and the idea of finding genuine love for someone else is bittersweet.  Believe it or not - today's Arabian culture is stricter now than in previous times, so it was less taboo for Muslims and Christians to marry one another.  The same cannot be done without some hesitation presently.  Separated by age, religion, sex, or political beliefs - in some places it's nearly impossible to marry someone you love for even minor cultural differences.  And if the family doesn't approve of the match before hand it's almost acceptable to perform honor killings, or at least make the married couple's life a living hell.  So - the point being when these hopeless romantics find what they believe to be love they may literally be risking life and limb for that love - and what girl could refuse a man willing to die for her?!



3.  The Strict Moral Code Of A Saint

Many Muslim/ Arabian empires were extremely sophisticated in their hay-day, primarily because these empires changed hands often and sired over a span of two entire continents, from Spain to China, with a presence in the court of Mongol kings.  The philosophy, theology, and political rhetoric of that golden era(s) has been recanted to some extent in recent times, but within the Arabian culture this aspect of their history has inspired men to practice the same sophisticated and philosophically sound set of morals.  This code includes never harming a person unless in self-defense, live a charitable life, to always do right by good intentions, and to be humble.  Let's not forget there is always a strong emphasis to protect the weak and to live honorably.  In my experience there is a certain decorum that I can't quite explain that makes everything they say sound so cool and righteous.  If you pride yourself in having a man with infallible ethics then give Prince Aladin a try.



On the Downside -

Like many European cultures, Arabian cultures allow men to be a little more vain than the typical American.  They like to look good - it's one of those simple sins that can't hurt anyone.  My problem is when I'm ready to leave the house my husband is still fixing his hair in the mirror :)  it's annoying, but again it doesn't hurt anyone. 


~ Chelsea

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Friday, July 17, 2015

Wisdom of The Day: Beware

Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance

~George Bernard Shaw


Thursday, July 9, 2015

Why It Sucks To Be A Millennial

By 'Millennial' I mean the generation shortly before the turn of the millennium in 2000.  There are many characteristics of this generation that our predecessors enjoy criticizing, but the world for Millennials is completely different than what once existed for older generations and we have adapted extremely well.  

However, everyone can agree that we have created a world suspended in motion; constantly changing before we can adjust to our environment and culture.  It's extremely fast paced and complicated.  As 25 years old I should be in the middle of this chaos, but I find myself sidelined (figuratively) and extremely confused. 

It really sucks to be me, or a Millennial.  Our culture has slowly developed a very complicated hierarchy that my parents' generation perfected: women have children and work full time and manage to stay perfectly energetic for all kinds of things.  My generation is not amused.  After having Spongebob and Micky Mouse as a babysitter, I believe we're trying to rectify this idea, but the economy adjusted better to a two income society than we should have liked, making it very difficult to downsize. 

Let's contemplate the debt crisis Millennials are subject to.  It's nothing new - we all hear about it in the news - student loan debt it out of control.  I owe over $30,000 in loans for a mere community college, which turns out to have a less than 25% graduation rate.  My undergraduate degree is another $50,000.  I'm considering a master's degree on top of everything else.  Without a master's degree I owe $1200 a month in student loans, but I currently make only $1800 a month in wages after taxes.  Need I make this dilemma any clearer?  Somehow I feel better knowing I'm not the only person in this situation, but at the same time this is an alarming trend. 

There are very few jobs to choose from, especially for livable wages.  I have a bachelor's degree, yet I'm working as an assistant and far from my area of study.  I get paid much better than the average assistant salary, but it's still not a livable wage.  This can be arguably the fault of working wages not increasing since the 1970's, but the prices of necessary items have dramatically increased over the last few decades, especially college tuition.  In 2012 Jimmy Carter said something similar to what we consider poverty today is not what poverty was when he was president.  It's a completely different world. 

An increasingly sinister number of obstacles are waiting for Millennials at the changing of the guard, and we can see few arrangements are being made to ease the blow.  This is the Doom Generation, but not for the reasons you think.  The 'doom' torch has been passed from one impoverished generation to another, and then to the Millennial generation with terms and conditions attached. 

It makes me grumpy

~Chelsea

Your coworkers - like you've never seen them before!


We all have them.  They're everywhere.  There are the coworkers from hell, but there are also the many who have small habits with a big impact on your mood.  Allow me to appropriately categorize the hell hounds sent to torment you every day at work.

1. THAT Person

Everyone knows his or her life story, but not from casual conversation.

2.The drama queen
More often women than men, everything is overly dramatic and choreographed to send one hell of a message.  Something is not in the correct place?  The right coffee isn't in the break room?  You looked at her wrong?  May God have mercy on your soul.

3. That ass-hole
Ever have someone reign over you who had no right or reason? 

4.  The slacker





They come and go whenever they please, and yet complain about always being swamped with work

5.  The rival

It doesn't matter how or why - she has to be better than you.  And, you could care less about what she does better than you because you just want to make some money and go home. 




 6.  The annoying anal retentive guy





Everything bothers him - your music is too loud, you type too loud, your perfume is too strong, you made coffee the wrong way, you didn't bring gluten free creamer even though he's not gluten intolerant, and so on.  You wish you could just tell him he's a mouth breather and to mind his own damn business. 

7.  Panic monster

Deadline approaching?  Be afraid of the panic monster, who will run around the office like a chicken without a head - going off the deep end because no one "knows" how important deadlines are, or cares



People Of Wal-Mart - Or Cave-Dwellers That Occassionally Shop

I have a confession to make and I do not take it likely.  I am ashamed to admit that when I am sad or feeling bad about myself there is a little trick I know that makes me laugh and forget all my woes - peopleofwalmart.com

The title says it all; people in wal-mart.

For you lucky bastards outside the USA Wal-Mart is one of the largest companies in the world - a retail giant that sells everything from toilet paper to organic bananas and these "super" stores grow like weeds across the continent, inadvertently attracting the unsightly, socially brain dead cave-dwellers of America's rustic areas.

Allow me to show you what I mean:





This is a real person at a real Wal-Mart who decided for some unknown reason that it was perfectly appropriate to walk out of her house with her pants literally falling off her ass.

What is so stress-relieving?  For me is looking at this picture after a difficult day and realizing I could have acted like an idiot and felt uncomfortable in my skin but nothing I did compares to the ridiculousness of this picture, and there are so many more like this!!  Every picture is a new kind of bizarre that truly baffles, yet, entertains me.




You never know what you will see at Wal-Mart and I know from first hand experience.  Vancouver, WA has an astounding 7 Wal-Mart stores for our meager 300,000 people.  I don't know what it is with Wal-Mart, but it seems to attract the strangest people, cars, and contraptions.  It is an underrated phenomenon.

You have the strangest cars





Very confused transvestites







Back boobs!  Oh the back boobs!









And ACCIDENTS will happen at Wal-Mart











Completely inappropriate in general
















Disturbing right? 

And fortunately all these people are very far away, yet still too close for comfort. 

So when you're having a bad day and nothing seems to be going right - remember The People Of Walmart!!

That is all

~ Chelsea

Friday, April 24, 2015

Living Dead Kitty - Part 1



Everyone knows America's healthcare system is unusual at best for a 1st world country, but what it lacks for humans it easily makes up for in our pets.

It was a very interesting experience when my cat suddenly needed medical attention.  My parents fervently believed pets did not deserve medical attention if something catastrophic happened, but we never had many pets and the ones we did have mysteriously disappeared . . . I digress!  What happened to my furry child showed me an aspect of healthcare I never knew existed.

My rescue cat, Gibbs, was just a few weeks old when she was found by a friend.  I've had her ever since, and it's now been 6 years.  She's never had a health problem or even a small hitch - always an ideally healthy cat.

When I moved to a new apartment she was understandably upset.  I didn't think anything of it that she preferred to hide and loaf all day until one day i realized carrying her felt really strange.  she felt lighter, limp I suppose.  No matter what I did to her she did not respond; she simply looked in another direction and zoned out.  Her tongue hung out of her mouth and it was perfectly white.

Weird right?

She also had a strange odor coming from her mouth.  After a few minutes of brooding I decided to take her to see a vet.  She was unnaturally still throughout the entire drive.  When the medical assistant looked at her she immediately took her to the back room where they operate on animals.

Gibbs says no to homework

And no to puzzles


I was really freaking out by then.  An hour goes by - then two - and I'm sitting alone in the exam room thinking they must have forgot me there or something like that but the doctor finally arrives.  She looks like a 20 year old girl.    She says Gibbs is dying; she has mysteriously lost all her blood and is too weak to produce blood on her own.  Without a blood transfusion within the next few hours she'll die for sure.

Gibbs sick at the vet


I went home and brooded.  Do I follow my parents' mantra and let her die?  Or, do I save my devoted companion of the last 6 years?  I survived college only because she sat beside me through the whole thing and brought amusement and joy to me during the darkest times.  A cat who learned to obey commands like a dog!

Finally I decided I would pay the hefty bill to treat her, but that was only the beginning of that awful night.

I apparently had to fetch a blood transfusion for my cat, get her blood tested for a match, and pay for that too.  A little research went a long way.  I found a place in Portland, Oregon called Dove Lewis, a state of the art animal hospital that has cat transfusions at the ready.  I picked up a few samples of Gibb's blood, went downtown to fetch my brother's money, and drove across the Columbia River into Portland during rush hour traffic.  After dodging hipsters here and there, I finally made it to the Pearl district where the fabulous hospital resides.  I handed them the blood samples and they immediately took off to run tests.  I waited there an hour, but when they returned they handed me a brown paper bag with blood and all the equipment necessary for a blood transfusion.  Apparently the cats in the Portland-Metro area are blood related.

$420 dollars later I'm leaving the hospital with a blood transfusion.

I drive it back to Vancouver and to the animal hospital where they take it to the operating room.  Another two hours go by with me sitting there and waiting without an idea of what's happening.  They promised me i could see my cat, but no one came to fetch me.  I hounded the front office staff about her progress, but they simply said they needed more time.  I never thought i would get so concerned about a pet; to go such great lengths to save her.

Finally they let me in the operating room to see Gibbs.  She looked terrible.  She clearly lost her mind and was looking around as though in a fog.  The vet said she was worried Gibbs wouldn't have lasted another hour if I came any later with the blood transfusion.  She let me have a moment alone with Gibbs who didn't recognize me.  Seeing her in such a state was a painful experience.

Eventually I had to call the vet over to me - I had passed out on the floor.  Definitely embarrassing and painful.

I didnt sleep well that night.  In the morning I visited her again and found her in an exceptionally good condition compared to the night before.  She was eating, walking around, and trying to clean herself.  I reached in the cage and she gave me one of those cat hugs.  That night I took her home and had never seen that cat so excited - jumping all over the place, practically climbing the walls.  30 seconds after she was free she fell asleep on her food dish and was fast asleep the whole night.

I'm not sure for whom this was more terrifying: me or her?

~ Chelsea